How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage? Part 5 - Tolerance

Tolerance

Ephesians 4:2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.

“Tolerance in a marriage is something that many people experience and learn about the longer that they are married to their spouse.



Tolerance does not mean that you constantly have to "put up" with your spouse; it means that there are times when you need to be patient and choose not to argue when it is not necessary. There are times when it is good to voice your opinions, but when it comes to the trivial things, sometimes it is just not worth it. It's called choosing your battles, and some things are just easier to leave alone, rather than arguing about it.

When you are married there will be many times when you do not understand your spouse and may even become frustrated with them. This is not something to worry about or inspire doubtful feelings from this are completely natural. When you are living in such close quarters with another person this is something that is bound to happen. When this type of situation occurs there are many different ways to handle it. You can act out your feelings and tell your spouse exactly how you feel, but what you are feeling at that moment is anger, a feeling that will pass. When you experience anger out of frustration this is because you are not exercising enough patients with the situations around you. You should not have to tolerate your spouse but it is important to remember that we all make mistakes and we all have our good and bad days. If you do not have this type of understanding, than marriage is not the right situation for you to be in. When something goes wrong in your relationship or there was an unexpected turn of events this is when your patience is most needed. Take advantage of these situations as opportunities and embrace them.

Tolerance and patience should be practiced when you are in a marriage. No matter how much you love your spouse there will always be times when your patience may be tested and your character as well.”From : (How to Practice Tolerance in Your Marriage, by Gillian Markson   http://marriage.families.com/blog/how-to-practice-tolerance-in-your-marriage)

Remember that this is not one-sided. Just as there are lots of little things that bug you about your husband, so are there plenty of things that bug him about you! I’m sure you’d like him to tolerate some of your little bad habits, exercise patience and forgive the small transgressions, so you should do the same. This is Grace.

Forgiveness:

“What makes a Christian marriage work is to forgive from our hearts, just as Jesus forgave us. He did so by taking our sins upon himself. For us, forgiving others means we're willing to live with the consequences of our spouse's sins.”

From: (Why Forgive? It's more about you than you think. By Neil T. Anderson http://www.kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/helphealing/2.38.html)

A marriage is a place where we need implement tolerance, grace and forgiveness in great measures. The greatest challenge is to understand that we can’t change our spouses no matter how well our intensions are. Stop trying to “fix” your partner, rather make positive changes within yourself. The way you choose to respond and react will influence your spouse.

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage? Part 4 - Fun and Laughter

Fun and Laughter

Marriages can be a battle of “The Wills” or “The Sexes”, a place of sheer misery rather than utopia.

We forget how to have fun and laugh. When last did you do something crazy or unexpected?

Send your spouse an sms saying; “You’re the hottest thing alive” or tell them; “Honey that shirt makes you look so sexy!” Flirting is a wonderful way to bringing fun into the marriage.
It may have been so long ago that you last flirted with your husband, that the idea seems totally foreign to you. Never fear. Start slowly and get into the swing of it, it will eventually become completely natural to you. Don’t let the excuse that you can’t do it, stop you. Forge ahead. Start with a text message if the thought of doing it in person makes you uncomfortable. You will see such a positive response in your hubby, which will spur you on…

What did you do when you were dating? Was there something particular you enjoyed doing together that you don’t seem to have the time for now?  Plan a special occasion where you organise to do it again.

Don’t take things too seriously. If you have a romantic evening planned and it doesn’t work out exactly as planned (and let’s be honest, it hardly ever does), remember to laugh about it and create a memory together.  As it says in Ecclesiastes 8:15: “So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.”

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage? Part 3 - Time and investment

Time and investment

Life is fast and furious. It’s imperative that couples prioritise their marriages.  We can so easily place our children or careers ahead of the marriage.

If couples gave their investments and bank accounts the same attention as their marriages, many would end up bankrupt. The best investment you can give your children is investing in your marriage.

Take “time out” for date nights, walks, long bubble baths or whatever takes your fancy. Couples need to understand, eighteen plus years is a long time to wait for their children to grow up.  It is imperative to get a support system going, where there are special people in your life who you can leave your children with in order to get some time away. Whether it is your parents, in-laws, siblings, good friends, or even a nanny or sitter you can rely on. And if you are blessed to get time away together, cherish it, and also remember to pay it forward by offering to close friends or family members to look after their children, so they can also invest in their marriages.

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage? Part 2 - Communication

How we communicate in marriage is crucial. It’s no great surprise that men and women communicate differently. The great example; “I have nothing to wear” can mean two completely different things, depending on if you are a man or a woman. For a woman, this statement can mean; I need to lose some weight, nothing fits me, my clothes are out of date, I need a new wardrobe. For a man this statement simply means; I have no clean clothes!

Communication goes even further. Not only do we communicate differently but we also communicate love differently. This is best highlighted in Gary Chapman’s bestseller “The Five Love Languages”. We all have a primary Love language in which we show love and how we need to be loved. The love languages are identified as; Affirmation, Acts of service, Quality Time, Gifts and Physical touch. Learn and understand your spouse’s primary love language so you can be effective in communicating love to them.
http://www.sensuous.co.za/pL00026/The-5-Love-Languages---Gary-Chapman.aspx

An example of communicating in “different Languages” is when I felt very emotionally distant from my husband. I need quality time and he was working really hard at the time, but he was buying me expensive gifts, such as perfume and jewellery.  He was showing love to me in the way he knows how – giving gifts, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was constantly nagging him about not spending time with me and he couldn’t understand my unhappiness. Then we read the 5 Love Languages, and had the AHA moment! I realised he did really love me! He realised he needed to stop working so hard for money to buy me gifts and spend more time with me. I now know that little tokens such as cards etc. mean a whole lot to him. So now we are able to communicate our love to each other in our spouse’s language as well as understanding that they sometimes communicate their love in their own love language.

Think of ways you communicate your love with your spouse and whether you are communicating in his language or not…

 

A great article  - debate on lust - is it good or bad?

http://hotholyhumorous.blogspot.com/2012/03/lust-pigpen-or-feast.html
Good post, breaking down lust within the biblical context.

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage?

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage?

In the next few posts, we will be discussing a few ideas we have about keeping our marriages alive.

Today we are going to talk about attitude.
Attitude is the most vital attribute in any marriage. Your attitude will determine whether you have a great marriage or not. A good attitude says; I understand it’s not just “Me” but always “We”. A healthy attitude understands it’s never a 50/50 split down the middle; it’s a full 100% commitment. A positive attitude will always influence growth in the relationship.

It is amazing how if we make the decision to have a good attitude about a certain situation, our perception of that situation always is better. But if we stick to our usual negative, defeatist attitude, then our perception and then following that, our experience of that situation will invariably be negative.

Attitude is about choice! We can choose to have a good attitude about our marriage and the situations in our marriage and therefore have a good marriage, or... not!

Wow, it is so cool to see people using their amazing gifts as acts of worship to God. Have a look at the following video and let us know what you think about it.

I find it very inspiring, especially after driving up to Mtunzini last night to do our talk to 180 ladies of all ages. We were so well received and this really made us feel like we are working to God's calling and purpose.