Wives: we need to initiate sex, just occasionally

I am just copying Happy Hubby's Blog as it is so well written and I could not say it any better if I tried!

Wives: why we need you to initiate sex, just occasionally

Here's the thing. We understand that we mostly need to initiate sex. We've read and learned from experience not to wait for you to be horny before making a move, and we understand that we have a physical need for regular sex that you do not. We also know that once we start making out, you will likely get into it, and become aroused, and end up really enjoying the experience. BUT, when we initiate ALL the time, there's always that little underlying niggle that satan plants in our brain, that maybe you don't really want us the way we want you, and that as much as you protest otherwise, you submit out of a sense of duty and not because you really want us and love making love with us.

That is why we need you to seduce us from time to time. There is absolutely nothing more affirming for me, than when C comes onto me and initiates love-making for the pure and simple reason that she is horny and aroused and needs to feel ME inside her, right now. I can't actually put into words just how good that makes me feel about myself, and how much it reassures me about our sexual relationship in general.

I think some of this reticence to show us that you desire sex may hark back to the old and outdated Victorian concept that a 'Lady' cannot be seen to enjoy sex too much. If so, then please pray for God to show you how to get past this. Or maybe that you are just unsure of how to go about initiating sex, and therefore feel uncomfortable doing do. Trust me, us men are simple creatures, especially when it comes to sex, so just be direct. You don't need to do the whole dress-up routine, or a strip show, or to have a pole installed in your boudoir (not that we would not appreciate any of these!). All that is needed is to whisper a simple "I want you, now" (you can shorten this to two short words if you are comfortable using more risqué language with your lover...) or even just roll across to our side of the bed, take our Kindle out of our hand, and kiss us in a way that communicates the same message. 

Try it this weekend. Then watch the next day, and the days after that, how your husband walks a little taller, and approaches the world a little more confidently, because he is a man, and he is desired.

 

 

--Thanks for that bit of great advice Happy Hubby :)

SensuousHappyHubby: Ten confessions of a sex positive couple

SensuousHappyHubby: Ten confessions of a sex positive couple: There have been a number of posts on the various Christian marriage blogs recently from 'sex-positive' husbands and 'sex-positive' wives, so...

Promises, promises...

My husband sent me this quote last week:

“A wise wife teases and then pleases, while a foolish wife teases but does not follow through.”

He asked me what I thought about it. Well… I said that it wasn’t as simple as that. He disagreed!

This is where my husband and I have had the most conflict in the bedroom. Hubby tells me that some wives don’t realise the effect that “promising” a sexual encounter later on has on a man.

I told him that it isn’t necessarily a promise, it might just be a suggestion at a moment in time and then, unfortunately, life intervenes. Screaming children, work going bananas, and of course by the end of a hectic day, a headache!

He says that men interpret a maybe as a promise and their brain and body react on it, and then however unfair the reaction is, it is how they react. It’s a hormonal thing.

A classic example: I get up in the morning feeling great after a good night sleep, have an invigorating shower and then decide to put on some of my lacy, sexy underwear and stay-ups. Hubby of course gets to watch as he always does in the morning and comments on the sexy lingerie. I smile at him and say, “maybe you’ll get lucky and get to take it off later”. He goes off to work and the whole day he is thinking “Woo-hoo, I’m gonna get lucky tonight!”

Then comes the mad rush of getting the kids up and ready for school, lifting and then a morning in front of the computer for work, followed by fetching kids from school, driving them to their various extra mural activities and getting them home, prepping dinner before a quick gym session. Dinner and bath and bed routine which can go on a couple of hours, and then, ahhh, I get to sit down for the first time in many hours. Hubby then gives me his “come hither look”. Oh all right, I’m finished, but I know that he is rearing to go. We head up stairs, get into bed and start cuddling, kissing and stroking each other. At this point my son walks into the room saying he doesn’t feel well, he walks to the bed and before we can react he vomits all over the bed. That’s the end of that moment for me! I now have to comfort my son, clean up the mess and then get him settled and to sleep again. I go back to the bedroom, and to hubby’s credit , he has changed the bedding and sprayed some room spray and he’s lying on the bed looking expectant.

In this scenario, I would normally tell him that there is absolutely no way he is getting any more action tonight. He would be very disappointed and accept the “no” with a big sulk.

This example actually did happen to us and I did give him the big NO. But hubby is trying to explain that he was physiologically ready for action and it is very difficult to turn off the physical and hormonal response once he is turned on.

The only thing I can say is that I will certainly take that into account next time, but I’m not sure I will be able to always tease and then please. It is certainly something I strive to do, but sometimes life just gets too much for me!

What are you? A wise or a foolish woman?

Is it "ok" to use "sex toys" in marriage?

This is a question we get asked all the time, so we have put together a "policy document" for our website. It is the following:



Our purpose is to encourage Godly Intimacy in Marriage.

Our approach is a wholesome one, covering all facets of Godly Intimate Marriages. We do this through our Marriage Enrichment Seminars for Women, our informative Talk on Intimacy in marriage, counselling women in the area of Marriage and intimacy and our Online Intimacy Boutique.

Our online Boutique offers women’s Intimacy aids (sex toys), candles, massage oils to encourage and enhance Intimacy between a Husband and a Wife.

We are often asked why we would even consider having these aids on our site as Christians. We believe, as mentioned in one of our favourite books on Christian Intimacy, “Intimate Issues” written by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, that each couple is different, each husband and wife is unique.

A Husband and a wife should examine their hearts and consider their motives about any sexual practise they are as considering.

·         Is it prohibited in Scripture?

·         Is it beneficial?

·         Does it involve anyone else?

When looking at sexual aids, which can enhance Intimacy, there is no scriptural reference that would prohibit the use of such aids. If it is used exclusively and privately to enhance the couples lovemaking, and they both feel comfortable to use them, then we believe it’s permitted.

However, if it is used solely by either the wife of Husband to pleasure oneself while “thinking” and “lusting” about another or others (not including their spouse), then this is fornication. Also, if the use for these aids begins to replace real intimacy between husband and wife then we would consider this a problem.

How do you make passion a priority in your marriage

How do you make passion a priority in your marriage

The dictionary defines passion as a "compelling, intense feeling or emotion".

Dr Paul Pearsall, author of “Super Marital Sex” says:

“The marriage comes first. All other people and events come after the marriage. Children, parents, work and play all benefit most by the marital priority instead of the marital sacrifice, because the marriage unit is the central unit to all other processes. If that is true we reap what we sow, then marriages are in big trouble…If we put as much time in our working as we allow for our loving, we would end up unemployed or bankrupt.”

What is your attitude towards your husband? Is he a high priority? Do you see him as a passionate lover or merely as the father of your children who takes out the rubbish and snores? Do you look at him with longing eyes or is he the last thing on your mind? 

Recapturing passion has much do with your attitude about being a lover to your husband. Passion begins with priorities and not genitals. When last have you “interrupted” his shower, joining him and saying “in case I have not told you, you are the most important, sexiest man in my life”? And then proceeded to give him pleasure?

Maybe you are thinking, “What planet do you live on? No one has time to look at her husband with “lover’s eyes”. Are you suggesting I seduce him in the middle of cooking the spaghetti?” We agree it’s difficult to keep the passion burning but it's not impossible. Sex is not an event. It is an environment. Make passion a priority and then set an atmosphere where passion can sizzle!

SENSUOUS onine is that safe, sophisticated space where you can truly explore your sensuality. Every single woman is “sensuously” beautiful. Lisa and Caryn are dedicated to assist woman achieve this.

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage? Part 5 - Tolerance

Tolerance

Ephesians 4:2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.

“Tolerance in a marriage is something that many people experience and learn about the longer that they are married to their spouse.



Tolerance does not mean that you constantly have to "put up" with your spouse; it means that there are times when you need to be patient and choose not to argue when it is not necessary. There are times when it is good to voice your opinions, but when it comes to the trivial things, sometimes it is just not worth it. It's called choosing your battles, and some things are just easier to leave alone, rather than arguing about it.

When you are married there will be many times when you do not understand your spouse and may even become frustrated with them. This is not something to worry about or inspire doubtful feelings from this are completely natural. When you are living in such close quarters with another person this is something that is bound to happen. When this type of situation occurs there are many different ways to handle it. You can act out your feelings and tell your spouse exactly how you feel, but what you are feeling at that moment is anger, a feeling that will pass. When you experience anger out of frustration this is because you are not exercising enough patients with the situations around you. You should not have to tolerate your spouse but it is important to remember that we all make mistakes and we all have our good and bad days. If you do not have this type of understanding, than marriage is not the right situation for you to be in. When something goes wrong in your relationship or there was an unexpected turn of events this is when your patience is most needed. Take advantage of these situations as opportunities and embrace them.

Tolerance and patience should be practiced when you are in a marriage. No matter how much you love your spouse there will always be times when your patience may be tested and your character as well.”From : (How to Practice Tolerance in Your Marriage, by Gillian Markson   http://marriage.families.com/blog/how-to-practice-tolerance-in-your-marriage)

Remember that this is not one-sided. Just as there are lots of little things that bug you about your husband, so are there plenty of things that bug him about you! I’m sure you’d like him to tolerate some of your little bad habits, exercise patience and forgive the small transgressions, so you should do the same. This is Grace.

Forgiveness:

“What makes a Christian marriage work is to forgive from our hearts, just as Jesus forgave us. He did so by taking our sins upon himself. For us, forgiving others means we're willing to live with the consequences of our spouse's sins.”

From: (Why Forgive? It's more about you than you think. By Neil T. Anderson http://www.kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/helphealing/2.38.html)

A marriage is a place where we need implement tolerance, grace and forgiveness in great measures. The greatest challenge is to understand that we can’t change our spouses no matter how well our intensions are. Stop trying to “fix” your partner, rather make positive changes within yourself. The way you choose to respond and react will influence your spouse.

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage? Part 4 - Fun and Laughter

Fun and Laughter

Marriages can be a battle of “The Wills” or “The Sexes”, a place of sheer misery rather than utopia.

We forget how to have fun and laugh. When last did you do something crazy or unexpected?

Send your spouse an sms saying; “You’re the hottest thing alive” or tell them; “Honey that shirt makes you look so sexy!” Flirting is a wonderful way to bringing fun into the marriage.
It may have been so long ago that you last flirted with your husband, that the idea seems totally foreign to you. Never fear. Start slowly and get into the swing of it, it will eventually become completely natural to you. Don’t let the excuse that you can’t do it, stop you. Forge ahead. Start with a text message if the thought of doing it in person makes you uncomfortable. You will see such a positive response in your hubby, which will spur you on…

What did you do when you were dating? Was there something particular you enjoyed doing together that you don’t seem to have the time for now?  Plan a special occasion where you organise to do it again.

Don’t take things too seriously. If you have a romantic evening planned and it doesn’t work out exactly as planned (and let’s be honest, it hardly ever does), remember to laugh about it and create a memory together.  As it says in Ecclesiastes 8:15: “So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.”