SensuousHappyHubby: Ten confessions of a sex positive couple

SensuousHappyHubby: Ten confessions of a sex positive couple: There have been a number of posts on the various Christian marriage blogs recently from 'sex-positive' husbands and 'sex-positive' wives, so...

Promises, promises...

My husband sent me this quote last week:

“A wise wife teases and then pleases, while a foolish wife teases but does not follow through.”

He asked me what I thought about it. Well… I said that it wasn’t as simple as that. He disagreed!

This is where my husband and I have had the most conflict in the bedroom. Hubby tells me that some wives don’t realise the effect that “promising” a sexual encounter later on has on a man.

I told him that it isn’t necessarily a promise, it might just be a suggestion at a moment in time and then, unfortunately, life intervenes. Screaming children, work going bananas, and of course by the end of a hectic day, a headache!

He says that men interpret a maybe as a promise and their brain and body react on it, and then however unfair the reaction is, it is how they react. It’s a hormonal thing.

A classic example: I get up in the morning feeling great after a good night sleep, have an invigorating shower and then decide to put on some of my lacy, sexy underwear and stay-ups. Hubby of course gets to watch as he always does in the morning and comments on the sexy lingerie. I smile at him and say, “maybe you’ll get lucky and get to take it off later”. He goes off to work and the whole day he is thinking “Woo-hoo, I’m gonna get lucky tonight!”

Then comes the mad rush of getting the kids up and ready for school, lifting and then a morning in front of the computer for work, followed by fetching kids from school, driving them to their various extra mural activities and getting them home, prepping dinner before a quick gym session. Dinner and bath and bed routine which can go on a couple of hours, and then, ahhh, I get to sit down for the first time in many hours. Hubby then gives me his “come hither look”. Oh all right, I’m finished, but I know that he is rearing to go. We head up stairs, get into bed and start cuddling, kissing and stroking each other. At this point my son walks into the room saying he doesn’t feel well, he walks to the bed and before we can react he vomits all over the bed. That’s the end of that moment for me! I now have to comfort my son, clean up the mess and then get him settled and to sleep again. I go back to the bedroom, and to hubby’s credit , he has changed the bedding and sprayed some room spray and he’s lying on the bed looking expectant.

In this scenario, I would normally tell him that there is absolutely no way he is getting any more action tonight. He would be very disappointed and accept the “no” with a big sulk.

This example actually did happen to us and I did give him the big NO. But hubby is trying to explain that he was physiologically ready for action and it is very difficult to turn off the physical and hormonal response once he is turned on.

The only thing I can say is that I will certainly take that into account next time, but I’m not sure I will be able to always tease and then please. It is certainly something I strive to do, but sometimes life just gets too much for me!

What are you? A wise or a foolish woman?

Is it "ok" to use "sex toys" in marriage?

This is a question we get asked all the time, so we have put together a "policy document" for our website. It is the following:



Our purpose is to encourage Godly Intimacy in Marriage.

Our approach is a wholesome one, covering all facets of Godly Intimate Marriages. We do this through our Marriage Enrichment Seminars for Women, our informative Talk on Intimacy in marriage, counselling women in the area of Marriage and intimacy and our Online Intimacy Boutique.

Our online Boutique offers women’s Intimacy aids (sex toys), candles, massage oils to encourage and enhance Intimacy between a Husband and a Wife.

We are often asked why we would even consider having these aids on our site as Christians. We believe, as mentioned in one of our favourite books on Christian Intimacy, “Intimate Issues” written by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, that each couple is different, each husband and wife is unique.

A Husband and a wife should examine their hearts and consider their motives about any sexual practise they are as considering.

·         Is it prohibited in Scripture?

·         Is it beneficial?

·         Does it involve anyone else?

When looking at sexual aids, which can enhance Intimacy, there is no scriptural reference that would prohibit the use of such aids. If it is used exclusively and privately to enhance the couples lovemaking, and they both feel comfortable to use them, then we believe it’s permitted.

However, if it is used solely by either the wife of Husband to pleasure oneself while “thinking” and “lusting” about another or others (not including their spouse), then this is fornication. Also, if the use for these aids begins to replace real intimacy between husband and wife then we would consider this a problem.