Monday, 19 March 2012

How do we build a strong, loving and passionate marriage? Part 2 - Communication

How we communicate in marriage is crucial. It’s no great surprise that men and women communicate differently. The great example; “I have nothing to wear” can mean two completely different things, depending on if you are a man or a woman. For a woman, this statement can mean; I need to lose some weight, nothing fits me, my clothes are out of date, I need a new wardrobe. For a man this statement simply means; I have no clean clothes!

Communication goes even further. Not only do we communicate differently but we also communicate love differently. This is best highlighted in Gary Chapman’s bestseller “The Five Love Languages”. We all have a primary Love language in which we show love and how we need to be loved. The love languages are identified as; Affirmation, Acts of service, Quality Time, Gifts and Physical touch. Learn and understand your spouse’s primary love language so you can be effective in communicating love to them.

An example of communicating in “different Languages” is when I felt very emotionally distant from my husband. I need quality time and he was working really hard at the time, but he was buying me expensive gifts, such as perfume and jewellery.  He was showing love to me in the way he knows how – giving gifts, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was constantly nagging him about not spending time with me and he couldn’t understand my unhappiness. Then we read the 5 Love Languages, and had the AHA moment! I realised he did really love me! He realised he needed to stop working so hard for money to buy me gifts and spend more time with me. I now know that little tokens such as cards etc. mean a whole lot to him. So now we are able to communicate our love to each other in our spouse’s language as well as understanding that they sometimes communicate their love in their own love language.

Think of ways you communicate your love with your spouse and whether you are communicating in his language or not…


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